I'd like to share something with you that came to mind recently, it's a story about something that happened a few years ago. My life really started to change around the time I became more spiritual and more open. When becoming more spiritual, you feel more... that's not always easy. I think it's easier to have walls up, not feeling, playing it safe. Why do I feel that way? Because I've been in both places. Shutting the world out and closing off my heart, hiding, and being numb was a way of life for me. Is crying weak...? No way, to be brave enough to put yourself out there. To feel pain, sorrow, love... be vulnerable, to cry with delight or darkness, just to feel it all - can be rough but it can be just as rewarding.
So why do it? You may be thinking... well, to experience it all! Meaning, the feelings we all have could be looked at as different flavors... Don't you want to try them all? Bitter, Spicy and oh so sweet! Life would be so bland without them! This life's journey is all about experiences .... from Joy to the flip side... Besides, how could you recognize one without the other?
Here's the story. I was about halfway finished with my regular jog when I noticed traffic slowing for a red light a few blocks away. I saw a petite woman crossing the road with one of those plastic plaid zip up laundry bags attached to a cart. I was thinking she was so tiny that the big SUV approaching her may not even see her cross in front of it. I guess I was focused on her crossing the four lanes as no one else was in my eyes view.
As I got closer, the light changed and the SUV started to move. As I had feared, the woman was directly in front of the SUV and it was clear that the driver was unaware. I ran as fast as I could trying to cross the lanes of traffic to help this woman somehow - It was like slow motion but fast at the same time... I felt helpless because I was seeing it all unfold in front of me but my legs just could not carry me fast enough...
The SUV hit the woman and stopped. I saw the lady jolt as she still didn't let go of the cart handle that was half under the front wheel. I got closer, the SUV moved forward again.. hitting the woman again and then a third time... the woman was shocked and couldn't move from the SUV's front bumper. I ran across the two lanes, and put my arm around her to guide us to the grass medium... as I am doing that.. the SUV's window slowly goes down to reveal a beautiful young lady with Gucci glasses and perfectly coiffed hair...she was yelling at the top of her lungs "You think she's scared! She scared me!" Cursing venom at us... I didn't say a thing but I must've given her a look. The kind that says if I didn't have this little lady in my arm right now ..My fingers would be wrapped tightly around your neck!
I remember feeling amazed at the situation... I focused on the woman in my arm instead of the SUV. I took her across the two other lanes to the sidewalk. She was stunned and started to cry. I asked, "are you ok?" She looked at me and she said she didn't speak English. I said "don't worry I have difficulty with It too..." with a smile (a nervous, silly joke to break the tension, mostly for myself.)
I turned to look for the SUV but it was long gone, I noticed the cars running over what was left of the woman's cart with crunching sounds each time. (Not having my cell phone) I wanted to take her inside the closest store to call family, police or ambulance. She didn't want any part of that. I had her sit down as I retrieved her left over cart pieces and the remains of its contents. I sat in silence next to her for some time just to make sure she would be ok. Even though we sat in the quiet my mind was racing. (What could she be thinking?) We both got up, she seemed to be ok, maybe a bit sore, but ok.
She hugged me and pointed to her eyes then to the sky. She hugged me again, I returned the warm hug and said goodbye. As I jogged away I felt so many emotions one after another, I was angry, disgusted, surprised, sad, frustrated, I started to cry... I was running and crying.. (geez that must have been a sight!). Strange but all those negative, hateful emotions bubbled to the surface as if they were being released by the burning tears streaming down my face...
Suddenly... I felt happy, yes, happy! Why? Because I was there at that moment, even though it was a moment too late... at least, I was there.. for that hug, that one moment of comfort...
Maybe she thought it was a terrible day and how could a person be so cruel to hit her with their SUV and not care. But, maybe, just maybe, she thought - well stuff happens, I'm not physically hurt (thank God) but there are some people that will help out a stranger.. and I may have been that person on that day....
looking back on that day, I think about how much I've learned since then. I also look back and think it was a good thing I had that tiny woman in my arm to stop me from choking that driver! (I may be spiritual but I'm still a perfectly imperfect human.) I do wish the driver well and I'm sure she was scared... interesting enough it took all three of us to make up that moment in time... (you can't control how people feel but you can control your own reaction.)
On that day, that perfect looking driver force fed me a rainbow of flavors... But the one that tasted the best was the gratitude from that sweet embrace.
Comments